A Fun Way to Teach Kids to Show Love

At our house we have 2 (adopted) kids that struggle showing and even accepting Love.  This is an ongoing lesson in our home as we try to take every chance we can to point out Love.  About 2 years ago, I went to the Love chapter in the Bible and put it down at their level.  All my kids have this memorized and it had helped us in teaching them.  The following is how we say it and below you will find a creative, fun way we put that Love in action, again on their level.

1 Corinthians 13...our version.
"Love never gives up.  I doesn't mind waiting happily.
Love cares more about others.  It isn't me first.  It isn't my way.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.  No gimme hands.
Love waits to be invited.
Love has self control.  It doesn't yell.  Its doesn't hit.  It doesn't pout. And it doesn't spit.
And it never, never, never, never, never throws a fit!
Love doesn't brag.  It doesn't have to be the best.
Love doesn't like to see others get in trouble.
Love doesn't like to see other get upset.
Love takes pleasure in telling the truth.
Love puts up with anything.
And trust God with everything."


In our house we ask each night at bedtime "how did someone show love to you today" and how did you show love to someone else".  We stepped up the game to try and get the little ones more involved.

We all sat down and decorated paper lunch bags however we wanted, kind of like a valentines box.  Then I gave each member of the family 12 little squares of card stock.  We all picked a color and colored all 12 of our cards that color.

Now each day, we look for ways to show love to each other.  Whenever we do, we put 1 of our colored cards in that person's bag.  Before bed, we all look in our bags, one at a time, and say the names of all the people that did an act of love for us that day.

I have enjoyed this for a few reasons:

It's cheap and easy.  I have less than $5 invested in this and we can keep using the same pieces everyday.  (Each night I put all the colored cards back into a bowl so we just reuse the same ones.)

It isn't something materialistic that my kids can confuse with Love.  The act itself is the gift!

It is something they do all day, not just at bedtime.

They get to see how happy  they made someone.

The kids have loved this and are really looking for ways to Love on one another.


***As a bonus, sometimes I provide M&M's for each time their card was pulled out of someone's bag that evening.  I don't tell them ahead of time when I am doing it so it a little extra LOVE for those that went out of their way to show LOVE that day.***

Creative RAD Consequence #331

Is seems impossible to keep up with RAD kids and consequences.  What worked one day fails miserably the next day.  Not to mention it all the professionals disagree about what consequences are most effective.

In our home we change things up all the time.  Our RAD, Kate, does better when we are consistent with our rules, but unpredictable with our consequences.  When she is not sure what the consequence will be it makes her think twice before she breaks a rule.  Traditional consequences have there place with RAD, but every parent needs many, many creative ones too.

I am starting a series of sharing some of the consequences we use.  A few of them are super easy, while others take more planning.  You will find your rhythm on when to use each...and maybe come up with some of your own.

So first up is # 331

Touching Your Nose 1 Time

Kate asks me a million questions all day long.  These are all questions she already knows the answer to.  Why?  Why would she do this?

The answer:  because in her mind she is "controlling" me by making me answer her.  Control means power and power means safety.

The other possible answer: it annoys me and Kate finds great pleasure in annoying everyone.

So when Kate asks me a question she already knows the answer to, I do not stop what I am doing or even look at her.  I simply touch my nose 1 time.

I explained the very first time I ever did this that it meant I knew she did not need an answer and I would not be acknowledging this conversation anymore. 

She of course needed to test it out.

The 1st few times she tried everything to get me to answer her.  She kept asking , poking me, grabbing me, tapping me, grunting, groaning, screaming, and all her other typical behaviors.  I responded to nothing. 

She upped her game and got physical.  Without talking to her, I moved her to her room and walked out.  This went back and forth for a little bit, but she eventually realized I was not going to respond.  She never took it to that level again.

We have been doing this for about a year now.  Most of the time it works.  She is usually irritated by it, but it still works.  Occasionally she will have a little huff and puff fit as she walks off, but that is still a success in my book.


Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.  Or feel free to ask if you have any questions.

When RAD Makes You Feel "Crushed"

My 11 year old bio son asked to write another entry for my blog.  He wrote it last night and is anxious to help others understand life with a RAD kid.

Crushed
by Sam Williams (11 years old)

I'm sure that I'm not the only one who has gone to bed at night and just felt crushed.  Whether you feel like the day was a waste or like you could have handled yourself better or maybe feel like you were treated unfairly.  This is feeling is a thousand times worse when you live with a RAD kid.  But you know there are going to be troubles in your life to overcome.

There is a comfort for people who feel crushed and that is the Almighty.

This morning my devotion was about trust.  I got to wondering what is trust, do I really know what that word means?  I looked it up and it is our confidence in someone or something...or in God. 

Now think about that (and if you are not a Christian , I encourage you to look into that too).  Ask yourself,  "Do i have confidence in God that He knows the future and He will take care of us?".  It is nothing to be ashamed of if you don't. 

Just yesterday I was having a conversation about Kate with someone and the person asked me "Sam, do you trust God that He will take care of you?'.  I skipped over the question and later in the conversation I answered back "no". 

Since then I have been working on strengthening my trust in God.  I encourage you when you are feeling crushed to go to the Almighty and He will help us if you are willing to trust Him.