Dear___________,
I know we used to be close. We used to share conversations and enjoy meals together. Remember how much fun we used to have when our families would get together? Those memories are some of my most treasured. It's a shame they are only memories.
I remember telling you about my daughter. I told you all the information I read on her online profile and I showed you her pictures. You were so excited for me! Adoption! It was a long road, filled with boring details of paperwork, but you always asked. You always listened.
It was so amazing to introduce her to you after such a long journey. She, of course, cared nothing about meeting you, but I know your heart was over joyed at meeting her. I am so thankful for your companionship along that road. You were a blessing to me.
We continued to get together, only it didn't work anymore. We figured it was just going to take time for her to settle. But after many attempts in became clear to me that this wasn't an easy fix.
I began to pull away. I later realized that you probably took that as you not being important anymore. You must have assumed that I no longer valued our friendship. I can not blame you for that.
After a while, I didn't just pull away, I was gone. I was absent. Even replaced. I saw it happen. It hurt. But I didn't blame you.
I am doing better now. Can I tell you what you didn't see? Can I tell you what I didn't want you to see?
My family was broken.
My daughter had taken over.
I wasn't just failing at being a good friend. I was failing at being a good mom.
All of the sudden I was the mom at the store whose child was throwing tantrums or stealing items. I was the mom at play group whose child was capable of hurting other kids. I was the mom that couldn't relate to the other moms. It became too hard to try.
Maybe if I had told you the whole truth our friendship could have been saved. Maybe. But I was scared if I told you that my daughter talked about hurting people, you might not want her around. I mean , what mom in their right mind would invite over a child that enjoys inflicting pain on other people? No mom says "oh, yes, that sounds like who I want my kid to play with!".
If I told had told you that we watch her like a hawk because she can and has acted out sexually, would you want her around your kids? You have to understand, I don't just miss our friendship. I miss your kids. I love your kids. And that is why I have to protect them from my daughter.
I know the world sees my daughter and believes that love can fix it all. I know she acts precious in front of you. But can you trust me that she has love poured into her everyday and she wants no part of it? Can you trust me that her sweet personality she shows you is all a part of her plan? She has no desire to connect with you or your kids. She cares no more about you than the person bagging our groceries. She charms you to get what she wants and then she moves on. Sometimes what she wants is just the high of knowing she deceived you into actually thinking she cared.
How do I know this????
She tells me.
I hope someday you can understand. It is not that I don't value our friendship. It is not that I don't miss you. It is not that I blame you. I just simply don't know how to make it work. I don't know how to live my life the same as I did before my daughter, because she changes everything.
So, until I figure it out, please know that I have not given up. I still want a friendship. I still dream of life being normal again. I understand this doesn't make sense to you. I don't expect it to, but can you trust me?
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