Our daughter has a health condition that requires many doctors to follow her. This is in addition to RAD. Kate also has a history of abandonment in hospitals. On three occasions, in three different families, she had a fit of rage in a foster home that caused the foster families to call 911. All three times she was restrained in the ambulance. All three times she was given a shot in her thigh that sedated her. And all three times, she woke up somewhere new and never saw the family that she had been with again.
It is an understatement to say that Kate had major issues anytime we went to any doctor once she moved in with us. Her health condition required her to be put under several times the first year we had her. It took 3 adults to hold her down while they had a mask on her with "sleepy air". She would yell, kick, hit, bite ,and spit to try and stay awake. The medical team was always amazed how long she could fight it off.
When she woke up, she would act the same way and make every attempt she could to get out of the hospital. She was 6 and 7 years old.
She did this because she was fully convinced that we would abandon her at the hospital while she was asleep. Nothing we said could convince her otherwise.
Last year she had to have a major surgery and would need to be inpatient for 4 days following the procedure. We talked about this constantly. I promised her I would not leave that hospital until she could leave with me.
I honored my promise and never left her room until we both did to come home. It meant something to her. As we were packing up our bags to leave she said "I think I understand what foster care is, Mom. It's always moving to a new home. And I'm not in foster care now.".
Yes! My sweet girl! You are not there! Life is different now!
Just a few days ago she had surgery again. This time it was out patient. I told her that we would be coming home that same day. She said "oh man. I was hoping for some more girl time like last time.".
She did amazing this time. She was nervous to go to sleep when it actually came time to put on the mask, but there was no fit. And she even woke up pretty peacefully.
This has been a hard year with RAD and Kate. Maybe even the hardest yet. But every now and then she does or says something that reminds us that even if the days are hard, she is noticing we are different than other caregivers have been. These are the moments we have to hang onto so we can get through the hard days.
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