How to See Progress in a RAD's Meltdown

Kate asked if she could get out spoons for everyone at breakfast yesterday. I was glad to see her wanting to help and happily let her.  As she was passing them out, I noticed she was touching the round end of each spoon.  Not knowing if she knew not to do that, I stated that it is always better to touch the other end so you don't get your germs on the end that go into people's mouths.  She said she understood.

However, Sam, took a spoon that she hadn't touched yet to avoid her germs.  This took control from her and made her angry.  Rather than voice her feelings, She took Jack's spoon and rubbed her hands all over it.  She was angry at Sam, but Sam is older than her and she knows better than to be that direct with him.  (He is the sweetest, most patient boy in the world to her, but he is very wise and can put her in her place with words almost every time.  She doesn't like this.  But she also knows he is much bigger and stronger.  Although he tries everything else first, she is aware that if she pushes him too far he would win a physical battle.)

Jack is younger, shorter, and pretty oblivious most the time to what she is doing.  He is very easy for her to manipulate and although he can stand his ground with her physically, she usually starts it and it seems to give her the upper hand.

He was the clear, easy target to show her anger or control even though he had nothing to do with it.

This small insignificant behavior ended in her screaming, yelling, threatening to throw dishes, her being sent out of the room, and her missing breakfast.

And we were all so proud of her.

If you have a RAD kid you already know why.

I listed the behaviors she displayed.  Notice not 1 behavior included someone getting hurt.  I said she "threatened" to throw dishes...yet she didn't.  And I said she missed breakfast...not lunch and dinner too.

She did lose control, but she was able to regain it.  This is the first time in months that a fit like that did not continue to escalate and ruin the entire day.

With RAD it is so important for us to remember to watch for small progress because we seldom see huge progress all at once.  It is this gift of small steps forward that keep us going.